SIDE EFFECTS OF WORKING IN AN IT SECTOR

These are real life shared by IT people.
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Bhavik
 I once left home to go to the market wearing my ID cardand did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

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Bhabani
 Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys.

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Ashok
 Few days back ? I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morningat 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours andlaughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.

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Jyotsna
 Just after our training completion in Mysore and posting to Pune,me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand.

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Kiran
 Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"
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Bipul
 I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..at my personal internet connection at home...thinking it will be blocked any way.Till I realize - I am at home.

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Rohit
 Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.keeping hands in front of tap for waitingwater to drop by itself is very frequent with me.I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....

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Nidhi
 Once after talking to one of my friendsI ended the conversation saying," Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"

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Nisha
 Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

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Nisha
 I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail andwondered when they became invalid???

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Sandeep
 Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....I replied 256mb....thank god he didn't notice

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Ashwin
 Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switchingfrom a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.

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Vidyarthi
 And I - after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,when I wanted to check the time,I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre screen!?

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FIRST INDIAN ASTRONAUT RETURNS TO EARTH

FIRST INDIAN ASTRONAUT RETURNS TO EARTH

Some have heard the news that India has entered into the race for the moon.

 

This is the picture of their first returned
Indian astronaut.
Just landed.


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We(O)man

1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan , today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..

2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything

3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... For such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..

4. (ANYTIME.)..
Men: At what time do I have to call you?
Women: Any time as u wish
Men: But last time when I call u in the morning u didn't pick up?
Women: I was sleeping.
Men: OK; when I try to call you around 11 am u didn't pick up?
Women: I was shopping with my mother
Men: So, when I try to call you around 2-3 u didn't pick up?
Women: I was tired and relaxing.
Men: Then what about 5 PM?
Women: I was watching a cartoon.
Men: So, then why didn't you pick u phone in the night?
Women: I was studying
Men: Ok then tell me which time is the most convenience time for you to talk.
Women: Anytime.

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Fishing Mirror

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, "What is the mirror for?"

"That's my secret way to catch fish," said the other man. "Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat."

"Wow! Does that really work?"

"You bet it does."

"Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $30 for it."

"Well, okay."

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?"

"You're the sixth," he said.

 

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Funny Helmets

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Making a baby

Have a good laugh!!!!!!!

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and yet it is funny!--


Harry and Sally, were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.










On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Harry kissed Sally good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Sally cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what Harry and I had hoped Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Sally.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time.. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know,' said Sally quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Sally exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Sally.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around to get a good look'.

'A good look?' said sally, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached, I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Sally leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'Sally fainted!

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Hide your EMAILS

If you want your manager not to see your personal mails

there is only one way to hide your emails :)

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Old Lady

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so

he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I don't,' she

replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex

and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let

them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right

size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she

burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!a

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Plane crash and Monkey !!!

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand our language and reply in actions.

The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: "When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Tying their belts"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Saying Hello! Good morning!"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Checking the system"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Looking for my people"

Officer: "After 10' minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Having beverages and snacks"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Serving the travelers"

Officer: "What were the Pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Eating & throwing"

Officer: "After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "Some were sleeping and some were reading"

Officer: "What were the air hostesses doing?"

Monkey: "Make up"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the steering"

Officer: "What were you doing?"

Monkey: "Nothing"

Officer: "Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?"

Monkey: "All were sleeping"

Officer: "What were the pilots doing?"

Monkey: "Handling the air hostess"

Officer: What were you doing?

Monkey: Handling the steering!!!!!

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Employee of the year

This is the level of dedication the Management expect from all staff!!!

Employee of the Year !!!

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Finally I Got the answer...

I always wondered " WHY THE HELL DID I START FEELING SLEEPY THE VERY MOMENT I REACH OFFICE…???


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FINALLY I GOT THE ANSWER… MYSTERY RESOLVED !!!

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When 'Oh Shit' is the correct word!!!

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

OH SHIT

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You Vs Your Boss

When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.

When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When you have one too many drinks at a social, you’re a drunken bum.
When your boss does the same, he appreciated women.
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it ’s because he’s overworked.

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Funny Images

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NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE*

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome’... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying ‘No use of banging head on the wall’.


(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

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Two Opposites Suicides

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