Old Lady

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so

he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves.

'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I don't,' she

replied.

'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex

and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let

them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right

size.'

She didn't crack a smile.

'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she

burst out laughing.

'What's so funny?' he asked

'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!a

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URLs that went horribly wrong

check this out

ALL REAL


www.NYCAnal.com --------------------------New York Canal
www.GotAHoe.com --------------------------Go Tahoe
www.SpeedoFart.com ---------------------- Speed of Art
www.TheRapistFinder.com ------------------Therapist finder
www.Tranny.org ------------------------------Transfiguration Catholic Church
www.WhorePresents.com ------------------- Who Represents
www.BiGalsOnline.com ----------------------- Big Al's Online
www.PenisLand.net -------------------------- Pen Island
www.ExpertS-exChange.com------------------ Expert Exchange
www.Mp3shits.com-----------------------Sell Mp3s Hits
www.Viagrafix.net-----------------ISP Via Grafix.
www.Regalcock.com--------------- fomer Canadian Parliamentarian website
www.Ipanywhere.com-----------------A software development company that pee anywhere?


try opening thse sites.

NONE ARE PORN

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How to Get Men To Wash Their Hands?

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Its a mushroom....!!!

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Teacher and Johnny

The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and
what they are used for.

The first pupil said: Panado?

Teacher:- Very good! And what is it used for?

pupil:- It is used for headache.

The second pupil said: Piriton.

Teacher:- Excellent. And what it is used for?

Second Pupil:-To help you sleep.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: Viagra.

Teacher:-Johnny, What is it used for?

Johnny:- I think it can be used for diarrhea.

Teacher: Who told you this?

Johnny:- Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, may
be that little shit will get harder'.

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Been Assed

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'?
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) a sore ass


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around


(_x_)kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

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Think Before You Speak..!!

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month- old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean.


So think before you speak

Cheers!!!!!

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Blonde Joke !!!

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the post through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for $500.

At the second house they presented him fine Cuban cigars in an18-carat gold box.

The folks at the third house handed him a case of 30-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, tomatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a $5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five dollars for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you".

He said, "F*** him. Give him five bucks."

She smiled prettily. "The breakfast was my idea."

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